Two Years of Learning as the Teacher

It’s been two years since I graduated as a yoga teacher. Close to four years since I realised it’s the path I want to pursue. And ten years since I first stepped foot on a yoga mat.

In that time there’s been a lot of space for self-doubt and unworthiness. When my brother first suggested “why don’t you become a yoga teacher?” I immediately dismissed it with “because I’m not good enough.” No doubt comparing myself to my teachers, and falling back on the self-confidence I was seriously lacking.

All I needed was one comment from a teacher saying “you have a very strong practice. Have you thought about teaching?” to flip my perspective. And that set the rest in motion. Soon I was constantly seeking advice about trainings from all my teachers, and slowly set off on my path.

I’ve recently come back from my second training, this time a Level 1 Yin Yang teacher training. And it was so different this time round. For starters, we were all already teachers. So the lessons came from the theory and our own self-practice. We were given everything we needed to teach Yin, albeit much practice teaching it.

At first this terrified me. I thought without practicing at the training I would have no idea how to teach it. But I quickly realised upon returning home, that I feel more equipped than ever. There was so much packed into that training for me to start passing on. Little nuggets of wisdom I’ll be unpacking for years to come. The real teaching happens in the class room.

I’m confident that I can figure it out along the way. Because I have to. Especially if I want to share this practice. But even more so if I want to prove that I don’t need my hand held to make this next step. One of the greatest things I took away from this training was the idea of ‘not being so hard on myself’. I have all the answers inside if I choose to listen, I will make mistakes but I will learn invaluable lessons along the way.

It’s taken me two years of teaching to finally trust that I am enough. That I am doing enough and trying my best, and that I don’t have to wrestle with anyone or anything to crawl my way to the top. What does that even entail? I feel like the life of a yoga teacher is so glamourised. If you’re not teaching a full schedule, or advanced asanas, or travelling around to teach across the world, then you’re not successful yet.

And that ideal has put so much pressure on me. It’s been slowly crushing me over the last two years. Although it’s only now I understand the immense weight that it’s put on my shoulders. It struck when I realised that I’m aiming for something I already have. I am already sharing this practice, and spreading my knowledge and insight with so many people. With people who choose to be there; learning and caring about their physical, emotional, and mental bodies.

I have so much gratitude as I continue to uncover deeper understandings within myself. Below is the musing I wrote that inspired this blog. It includes the moment when I realised I am trying to reach a dream that I am already firmly in the midst of:

Building something from the ground up takes a helluva lot of work. Thankfully I know I haven’t had to do it all by myself. I am supported, encouraged, motivated, and challenged by people daily. Assessing how I can grow in my teachings, and in life, and inspire others to do the same. My teachers, mentors, peers, family and partner are right there behind me to help me reach my dream.

I think I have to stop discounting how far I’ve come though, after all, I already AM a yoga teacher. That’s a dream come true in itself. I get to connect with and guide people into their body, mind and spirit every week. How can I still be striving for success if I am already doing exactly what I want to be doing? There’s always that sense of more; more knowledge, more classes, more students, etc. But what if I appreciate what I have right now? I am a loving, caring, fun, thoughtful, brilliant yoga teacher. What more do I need?

It is a great privilege to be a teacher. It is an amazing learning curve to be a business woman. But I’m just grateful to be me, to share myself with people who embrace my quirks and charms equally. I have had opportunities I never thought I’d fulfil and it’s a dream every day just to wake up to chase a brighter, kinder future 🌟