The Forgotten Portal in to Art as Self
As I continuously find ways to balance my life with more space and abundance, I am reminded of how I once expressed myself through art and creativity so freely. I didn’t have to make time to write poetry/musings, because they just spilled out of me. My camera was always nearby, ready to capture the glimmers of beauty that I stumbled across. I spent four wonderful years studying Creative Writing and Photography at University, and identified as a total Book Nerd. At the same time I was practicing yoga, running, and cycling to keep myself sane. Moving the body creates equilibrium in the mind, after all.
When I pursued yoga teaching as a career I was beyond excited to use my creative voice and artistic expression to feed my business. And for a little while, I did just that. But I can acknowledge now, that the shift to a public profile (on social media, and the responsibility of being a teacher) changed something in my relationship to my art. I never posted things because it was what I hoped people wanted to hear/see, it was authentic and real in each moment, but the pressure of wanting them to resonate and to affirm my raw expression was catatonic. My creative juices were then mainly being used for business purposes. And I got burnt-out trying to keep up with the algorithm, and the never-ending hustle of trying but not succeeding to turn these into sales/ customers/ income (a social media trap, really).
I have steadily been writing for myself over the years too. As a form of emotional regulation, rewiring self-talk, and working through road blocks in life. And recently that includes occasional quiet mornings having a tea ceremony. I write, meditate, gently move, read tarot, and sit in contemplation. Intentionally choosing to express outwardly and in solitude to start my day. I can get so wrapped up in reading, and consuming, and the cursed doom-scrolling, that I forget to tap into my own voice and expression. So much so, that when I attended a panel discussion for International Women’s Day the other week, and someone asked me “Are you an artist/ do you create?” I blanked out and said No. I talked about how right now I’m focusing more on moving my body; yoga, weight lifting, climbing, dancing etc.
It wasn’t until I went home and let that question sit with me over the next few days that I realised I was wrong. Not only is dance/yoga a form of creativity and expression, but I had also failed to acknowledge my years in service to the arts. My artistic side that loves to learn new things as well, like drawing, playing instruments, knitting, etc. I felt so ashamed that I was hiding this part of myself. But simultaneously inspired to create as a form of resistance, joy, and freedom. To show others the world through my eyes, the beauty that can be found in the mundane, and the way my mind’s perspective is unique and valid.
I get to dance, I get to share yoga, I get to be artistic, and I get to be free. I’ll never take these privileges for granted. And I’ll continue to show up, to take up space, and to move slow and gently through life as an act of defiance. I deserve moments of peace, contentment, and to whole-heartedly reveal every part of who I am.
My love of photography and the written word has been rekindled, I’d be honoured for you to witness me in this way. I hope maybe it inspires something in you, but I won’t put too much pressure on myself for it to provide validation. I am worthy and artistic regardless 
